The Thing Aboot Him
by daphrose
Summary: "I still don't know how you didn't know. Why do you think I went to Canada for two weeks this summer?" - "I just thought you were on vacation." - "I was visiting my dad's side of the family. Were you not listening when I told you about my cousin falling out of the evergreen tree?" - "I didn't know he was Canadian. I would've laughed even harder."


**Let me go on record to say that I** ** _know_** **Canadians don't say "aboot." I've actually been working on my Canadian raising the past few days, and I think I'm getting quite good at it! :) Also, Canadians are the best and I love you all. I've been to Canada a couple of times in my life. (I lived in Washington for 12 years, so I've been to British Columbia, which honestly isn't that much different anyway. Pacific Northwest FTW!) My dog was actually born in BC, so we had to go get him and take him over the border. But if I have a Canadian dog, doesn't that give me some leeway in making Canadian jokes?**

 **Anyway! One of my favorite little exchanges from Victorious is from "Beggin' on Your Knees" when Jade claims that Beck was hiding that he was born in Canada. If you want another good story about how she found out in the first place, check out "At the End of the Night" by xwhenyourenotdown. But I had some cute ideas and thought I'd try it out for myself. So, yes, this story is about the first time Jade learned that Beck was Canadian. I sprinkled in a few of my own theories about his backstory for good measure.**

 **My warning for this story: Jade isn't particularly nice about Canada. I know she's not nice anyway, which is why I wrote her so mean, but if you think you might be offended, please turn back. In my experience, it can be mighty difficult to offend a Canadian, but I know I have some of you as readers, and I don't want to upset anyone. Also, Jade's opinion about Canada in no way reflects my own.**

 **This story takes place probably a little more than a year after Beck and Jade starting dating. (So it's pre-show.) I may have included some references to "You Don't Know Me," my multi-chap Bade story about how they met. I've got this whole universe in my head, and I'm trying to keep it consistent.**

 **I do not own Victorious or their characters. I do own my version of Beck's mom, as well as this story. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **The Thing Aboot Him**

* * *

"Beck! Beck! Open the stupid door before I break it down! Beck!" Jade slammed her fist against the RV door three more times. She rolled her ankle in preparation to kick it in when someone spoke behind her.

"Jade?"

Jade spun around to see Mrs. Oliver standing in the back door, her expression a mix of amusement and concern.

"Hi, Mrs. Oliver," Jade said, not afraid to let the exasperation seep into her tone. "Beck won't let me into the RV."

The corners of Mrs. Oliver's mouth quirked. "Oh. That's because he's not in the RV."

Jade felt the heat rise to her face, but she suppressed it. "Then where is he?"

"He's inside. In my office. Come on." She gestured for Jade to enter the house, and she did.

The back door led into the kitchen. Mrs. Oliver had a pot of soup boiling on the stove. The TV in the living room across from them was tuned to the news, and Jade immediately made an effort to block it out. She hated the news. Stupid old people thinking they could relate while acting like the world's problems were worse than they were. She shook herself out of her thoughts and turned toward the hall.

"What's he doing in your office?" she asked, trying to remember which door led to which room. She spent more time in the RV than the actual house.

"I think he's looking for some documents for the DMV. Beck! Jade's here!" she shouted down the hall.

"Huh?" Beck yelled back. "Oh. Right. I'm in here, Jade!"

Jade followed his voice into the room at the end of the hall, and Beck almost barreled over her as she entered. "Watch it!" she hissed at him.

"Sorry," he mumbled as he knelt beside a plastic tub and began to rifle through some papers. "Mom! Where's my birth certificate?"

"The file should be in there!" Mrs. Oliver yelled back.

"I don't see it!"

"Look for the folder that says 'birth certificates'!"

Beck rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "I can't . . . oh, wait, I found it!" He pulled out a manila folder and flipped through the papers. "Here we go." He extracted a light blue document and placed it on the ground beside him. He paused for a moment, and then he looked up at Jade and grinned. "Hey, babe."

"Hi. What're you doing?"

He put the lid back onto the tub and picked up the paper. "I'm trying to get all the documents I need before my permit test."

"That's not until Tuesday, you neurotic."

"I'm just excited to finally be able to drive. Legally, anyway."

"Yeah, whatever. Come on, I thought you wanted to go to that park play thing."

"We have time. Hang on." He studied the document and nodded. "Okay, I think I'm all set."

Jade knelt down beside Beck and pulled the paper out of his hands. "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

"Give it back," he said with a smile, making a meek attempt to retrieve it.

Jade rolled away and pushed her back up against Mrs. Oliver's desk. Beck fell onto his stomach and grinned up at her. He'd been in a good mood all week as he'd anticipated his upcoming permit test, and as much as it bothered Jade to see someone so happy, she did like the cute smile he'd been flashing at her every day.

"'Beckett James Oliver,'" she read from his birth certificate. "Oh, yikes, that's a horrible name."

He chuckled. "I don't think anyone's called me Beckett since I was four."

"I might have to start saying it, then."

"Don't you dare."

"Hmm, now I really have to. Let's see. Father's name: Thomas Oliver. Mother's maiden name: Joanna Dhillon."

"You pronounced it wrong."

"Whatever."

"Are you done yet?" He held up his hand for the certificate back, but she nudged his fingers out of the way with her foot.

"Let's see, you . . . wait." The most glaring thing about the birth certificate suddenly came to her attention, and her brows furrowed so hard that they met and became one in the center of her face.

"What?" Beck said when he noticed the change in her expression.

"Why does this say British Columbia, Canada?"

He cocked his head. "Because that's where I was born?"

She stayed quiet for a few moments. When she spoke, she made sure to use the edgiest voice in her arsenal. "You were born in Canada?"

"You didn't know that?"

"You were born in _Canada_?"

"How did you not know that?"

"I thought you didn't have any secrets!"

"I don't! I never tried to make that a secret!"

"I can't believe you hid this from me!"

"I didn't hide it from you!" He buried his face in his hands, but she could see his body shaking with laughter. It only made her angrier.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?"

He looked up at her and smiled. "I thought you knew."

"Well, I didn't. I've never heard you say 'aboot.'"

"That's because nobody says that." He ran a hand through his hair and chuckled again. "I guess now I know why you never tried to make a Canadian joke at my expense."

Jade frowned at the birth certificate. She'd always dislike Canadians. They were so northern and foreign and downright _weird_. But now she'd found out that her boyfriend of more than a year was one of them, and she didn't know how to respond.

"Babe? You okay?"

"You were born in Canada."

He shook her foot. "Come on, Jade, it's not funny anymore. Give it back."

"I agree, it's not funny!"

Beck opened his mouth to respond, but then his mom walked into the doorway. "Is everything all right in here?"

"Nope," Jade said. She stood and walked over to the window. She held up the birth certificate in the morning light as if the sun could wash away the words written on it.

"Apparently Jade didn't know I was born in Canada," Beck said.

"Oh," Mrs. Oliver said, although her voice conveyed her confusion. "Is it that big of a deal?"

"I don't think so," Beck said as he stood.

"It is too," Jade said. She studied the paper some more. "How can you even get a driver's license if you're Canadian?"

"For one thing, I _live_ in California," he said. He came up to her and tried to take the paper out of her hands, but she dodged and moved back to the front of the room. "And for another, I'm an American citizen."

"But . . . how can you be . . . ?"

Mrs. Oliver stepped behind Jade and pointed at her name on the paper. "'Joanna Dhillon. Birthplace: Hollywood, California.' Because _I'm_ an American citizen, so is Beck, even though he was born and raised in Canada."

"Raised? How long did you live there?"

"Until I was nine. But that reminds me, Mom, where's my CRBA?"

"It should be in the same folder."

Beck groaned and went back to the tub on the floor.

"I don't think you'll need it," she continued. "Your passport should be enough to prove citizenship."

"I don't want to leave anything to chance," he said. "I want my permit."

"Um, hello? You're just going to ignore me after dropping a bombshell like this?" Jade said.

"How is it a bombshell, Jade?" he mumbled. "Oh, here it is." He pulled out another paper and set it on the desk. "CRBA, American passport, birth certificate, social security card, driver's ed certificate, and a few bills." He wiped the hair out of his face and grinned. "I think that's everything."

"So, wait, you're _not_ a Canadian citizen, then?"

"No, I am."

"He's got dual citizenship," Mrs. Oliver replied. "His father and I thought it would be a good idea in case we ever moved back to America, which, of course, we did."

"This sucks," Jade mumbled. "I hate Canada."

Beck was still shuffling through his papers, but he grinned at her words. She scowled. He shouldn't find it so funny.

Mrs. Oliver chuckled. "Well, Beck, good thing your dad's not here. He'd have her thrown out in a heartbeat."

"That's what I was just thinking."

"Anyway, I just came in here to tell you guys that I have some extra soup if you want some."

"No thanks," Beck mumbled.

"I hate soup," Jade snapped.

"More for me, then." She smiled and left the room.

Jade walked up to Beck and grabbed the back of his shirt. "Why didn't you tell me?" she whined.

"I really don't see what the big deal is, Jade." He turned around and tried to pull her into a hug, but she resisted. He sighed. "I still don't know how you didn't know. Why do you think I went to Canada for two weeks this summer?"

"I just thought you were on vacation," she mumbled.

"I was visiting my dad's side of the family," he said. "Were you not listening when I told you about my cousin falling out of the evergreen tree?"

"I didn't know he was Canadian. I would've laughed even harder."

"You're ridiculous."

"Oh, so now I'm being ridiculous?"

"Yes, that's what I said." He took her hand in his and rubbed his thumb across the back of it. She knew he was trying to calm her down, but she didn't want it to work. She wanted to be irrationally angry at him.

"Well, I'm sorry that finding out that everything I know about my boyfriend is a lie is upsetting to me."

"Oh my gosh, Jade." He ran his free hand through his hair, and his smile gave way to a look of exasperation.

"What else are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding anything!"

"Do you have a Canadian girlfriend?"

"What? Why would you even think that?"

"It would be perfect if I didn't even know you're Canadian."

"But I didn't—" He trailed off and sighed. "No, I don't." He reached up and scratched gently under her chin, and she wanted to push him away, but _wow_ did it feel good. "I'm perfectly content with the one American girlfriend I have."

"Do you have another girlfriend from a different country?"

"Jade, stop. I only have one girl I love in the whole world."

"Which is me."

"Which is you." He stepped back and his smile grew wider yet again. "Look, I'm too happy about my permit test to fight with you right now, so let's just get ready for the play."

They both agreed that it would be better to take sandwiches to the park and eat while they watched the play. Jade refused to let Beck call it a picnic because she hated picnics. They both went into the kitchen, and Beck started pulling out all the necessary ingredients. Mrs. Oliver sat at the table with several files in front of her, her eyes going back and forth between all of them. Jade, for her part, leaned against the counter and seethed. She had always figured Beck was hiding something, and she hated that it was as lame as being born in Canada. And she didn't care what he said about it "not being a secret." She knew all his most embarrassing moments and little-known facts, and never once had he given her any indication that his childhood memories had taken place in the frozen wasteland that was Canada. (So what if she'd never been there? It was cold and northern, and that was all she needed to know.) Could there be anything redeeming in this?

"Turkey and lettuce?" he asked.

"Yeah."

He slid them across the counter to her, and she set to make her meal while he made his. She squished the bread in more than one place, but she didn't care. It was all going to the same place anyway, and the spongy white bread was perfect to take out her anger on.

Seriously. Anything good about being Canadian? Anything at all? Celine Dion was born there, but so was that new prepubescent pop star, Justin Bieber, so Jade figured that it balanced out. They had moose, she was pretty sure. That wasn't a good thing. Moose were stupid animals for several reasons, not the least of which was because their name had no plural form. Apparently, Canada had given her Beck, but that wasn't enough to overcome everything else in Jade's mind. Or maybe . . . no, no, she wasn't going to forgive him so easily.

What else was Canada known for? She mostly only knew the stereotypes. Aboot, for one thing, although Beck seemed to deny it. Hockey, flannel, maple syrup, their dumb leaf flag, being uber polite . . .

Jade jumped and covered her mouth. "Oh!"

"What?" Beck asked.

"I just figured out one good thing about you being born in Canada."

"Really? You're going to—?"

"Yes, I am. Do you want to know one thing that's bothered me about you ever since we met?"

"Um, not really . . ."

"You're not stereotypical."

"Huh?"

"You don't fit into boxes well. You should be the popular cool guy, but you hang out with people like Cat and Robbie."

"Cat is—"

"But Robbie."

Beck nodded and looked down at his sandwich.

"You look like you should be the biggest flirt in school, but you're not." She realized what she'd said and followed it up with, "And you'd better never be if you want to stay alive."

He chuckled and put his sandwich into his bag. "What're you getting at?"

"When we first met, you made it _really_ hard for me to label you and figure out what you would be like. And I hated it."

"I thought _you_ hated being stereotyped."

"I do, but that doesn't mean I can't do it to other people."

"No, it just makes you a hypocrite."

"You're already on thin ice over the whole Canada thing. Shut up and let me finish." Beck threw his hands up in the air, and she kept going. "But now you fit perfectly into a stereotype. You're _nice_."

Beck's brow furrowed. "I don't follow."

"You're a nice Canadian."

"Huh?"

Beck's mom burst out laughing from her spot at the table. The teens turned to look at her, but she waved away their glances.

"I really don't think me being nice has anything to do with me being Canadian."

"Oh," Mrs. Oliver said, "no, sweetie, it does." She stood to put a bowl in the sink. "I moved there from here, and trust me, politeness is definitely an accurate Canadian stereotype."

Jade waved her hand as if to say, "See?"

"I feel ganged up on," Beck muttered.

Mrs. Oliver rubbed his arm as she walked back to the table. "It's not a bad thing. Saved my behind more than once. It's still one of the things I love best about your father."

Beck took a step closer to Jade and said, "So does that mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

Jade looked up into his face. Beck had on a pleading look, but she knew him well enough by now to know when he was putting on an act. She could see the amused twinkle dancing in his eye. She leaned a bit closer, and he looked ready to kiss her. At the last moment, she pulled back and said, "Not a chance."

"You really need to chill about this."

"No, I will not chill. You were born in _Canada_." Then something else registered in her mind, and she buried her face in her hands and groaned.

"What now?"

"I've been kissing a Canadian!" she shrieked into her palms.

It took her a while to calm down from that realization. Beck continued to protest her annoyance all the way to the park and up until the play started. His usual solution of kissing and making up didn't work this time, and she even resisted his arms around her shoulders all during the play. He finally got his chance to make a move during the climax of the romantic subplot when the main character finally kissed his girl. Beck mimicked his actions and caught Jade off guard. She wanted to push back from the kiss, but she couldn't, because with his lips on hers she remembered why she loved him. So she melted into it and missed the next scene because she was focused on her stupid Canadian boyfriend.

Yeah, he was a Canadian. But he was her Canadian.

She still hated Canada, though.

* * *

 **I feel like I need to have a child in Canada someday now, because I did** ** _way_** **too much research on it to only be used for a 2700 word story. Seriously, I spent the entire weekend looking up whether the child born in Canada to one American and one Canadian parent would be eligible for American citizenship. (CRBA stands for Consular Report of Birth Abroad, in case you were curious.) Also, yes, I have reason to believe that Beck's mom is American. His dad is** ** _definitely_** **Canadian, as we can tell from some Slap posts. But he also has family that lives nearby (he mentions borrowing his uncle's pickup in "Survival of the Hottest). So it wouldn't surprise me if his mom's family is from Hollywood and his dad's family is from Canada. Or, that's my theory, anyway.**

 **(And yes, those are all the documents you need for a driver's permit in California. Beck would also be exactly fifteen and a half in this story, because that's the soonest you can get a permit. I got mine in CA, so I know.)**

 **Also, I'm totally willing to buy that Beck's full name is Beckett, but can anyone tell me where the heck "Jadelyn" came from? I've seen that around a lot in the fandom, but I cannot imagine that that's Jade's full name. It so doesn't suit her. (Also, she did say on the Slap that the only good thing her mother ever did was name her Jade.) Is Jadelyn actually from anywhere, or is that just a fan thing?**

 **I'm working on more stories! If you read You Don't Know Me, I've got about 1/3 to 1/2 of the next chapter done. I've just got some writer's block on that. I'm also still writing the sequel to Precipice. I have the most adorable ideas** ** _ever_** **, but I actually need to sit down and write! Also, I'm working on a story about Beck's POV during the Bade breakup, a Tandré post-show romance one-shot, and a story that would cover the backstory of each main character. So if you don't follow me, do so to make sure you don't miss those!**

 **Also, go vote on the poll at the top of my profile! I've only received two votes so far, and they haven't helped me decide yet! (You have to be on the desktop version of the site to see the poll, not mobile or the app. If you've got a computer, go look it up, because I need your help!)**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that story. I love Bade. :3 Reviews are always lovely! It lets me know that you actually read the story and liked it. (Or disliked it. Criticism is welcome too.) If you're a Canadian, feel free to yell at me for making Jade so over-the-top offensive. XD Thanks so much for reading! See you all later!**

 **~ Rosie**


End file.
